29 October 2007

You and Me and baby make three

I made a new signature for our email account. I thought it was cute, and I also thought it was a neat way for me to spread the word about our blog.

Shan takes issue with the fact that I call it "our" blog. I admit, I use it less for updates on what is happening in our family, and more for what arcane ramblings cross my mind when I'm all alone at night at the airport.

So I thought I would give an update.

Everything is still normal.

As I type this, we are well into the third trimester. Baby Eli is probably somewhere around two pounds or so, and well on his way to the outside world. He has shifted into more of a head-down position, and his movements are now able to be felt quite a bit.

We were concerned last week, because Shannon had been sick the week before, and started to have cramping and pain. We discovered Braxton-Hicks Syndrome. Well, okay, we didn't discover it. We learned about it. Apparently, Braxton-Hicks is fairly common, and basically amounts to "practice" contractions, all the muscles down there are preparing themselves for the real labor. It hurts a lot, keeping Shan up at night. Drinking lots of water eases the cramps somewhat, but with all the drinking, Shan is up all night back and forth to the bathroom.

She takes it mostly all in stride. She doesn't want to complain, or sound ungrateful for this-and I don't think she sounds like she's complaining at all-but it does hurt, and it does suck that she's up all night and so tired.

So she does what she can, and I try to pick up the slack. Mostly, I think I just slack though....

We have been saying for the past month that we just want to meet him. We want to introduce him to our family and friends, and we want to show him his new house, and his new room, and his toy room. Interesting trivia, his toy room is bigger than my bedroom was growing up! I would have killed for a toy room like that growing up!

We spent this past weekend organizing and cutting tags off. We have had two showers so far, and all that stuff had to go somewhere. I guess the pile in the middle of the living room wasn't good enough.

We have so much stuff, it's ridiculous! So many clothes, so much baby feeding tools, blankets, bibs, pipes, toys, books, already some food, diapers, a cradle, a crib, a rocking chair with footstool, a bouncer, a swing, a travel system with car seat...and we still have one more shower to go.

This is becoming real! As I write this, there is 78 days left on my little countdown, which is about two and a half months, I guess. It does not seem like that. It seems like we're still in the planning stages, as if we have most of the pregnancy to go yet. Like we're still talking about what we're going to name him, or what color we're going to paint the toy room.

The toy room is painted. His name is Elijah.

It's starting to sink in, in a deeper level for me at least, that I am going to be a daddy. My wife and I are going to be parents. I twitch a little bit inside when I hear that. In a month and a half I will be thirty years old, a milestone in itself. But I do not feel old enough, or mature enough to raise a child. And here it is, only about two months away!

I think sometimes that I was more ready when we first found out we were pregnant.

Then again, it seemed like such a long time to plan and get everything situated. We also had some concerns in the beginning, so that made us not want to think about the future in terms of "when the baby is here", or "after we have the baby". It was more just praying that we would have the strength to carry on just one more day. And then, day after day, finding that strength somewhere.

But now those prayers are answered. The strength that we needed to steel ourselves for bad news turned into the strength we need to raise up a human being in our likeness.

Yes, I used that phrase.

I want to be that serious about my role here. I want it to be clear that this is a God-given mandate, a God-given responsibility. This is my purpose in life. Shan and I have talked like that since before we were married, that when you have children, it's not about you anymore, it's about your kids.

So now it's real. And I am terrified. My friend Jeff says I'm going to be fine. Deep down, I know I will too.

But I'm still terrified.


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